Looking back, are you still there

Many years later, it was still the station and the crowds coming and going. I still stood in that position, but I was not accompanied by you. At the beginning, what I left was so safe and determined that I didn’t listen to anyone’s retention and persuasion and yearned for the colorful world outside. However, when I came to a strange city, the reality gave me a slap in the face, at the moment when I was homeless on the street for countless times, my tears and dignity disappeared. I began to miss you, miss home, and think of the city where I grew up, I thought about the beauty I had given up, and I wanted to cry again and again, because there was no one in the box of that big city who could calm down and listen to my home town story, no one cares about my thoughts. No one will ask me if I am homesick. What everyone cares about is whether you have money, where you work, and what degree you have. I began to become indifferent and indifferent, I began to use alcohol to kill my rest time, because only when I was drunk can I have the confidence to survive the loneliness that is the most difficult to survive. Finally, one day, I walked into the rental house scarred. Outside was the landlord knocking at the door quickly. Listening to the beating sound, I seemed to be crazy and depressed myself desperately, is such a big city really not a place for myself? I began to pack my luggage and set foot on my way home. I don’t know how to face the inquiries from my hometown, if someone asks me how I live outside? How can I answer calmly? If I say that I have a bad life, will someone laugh at me and say that as long as I leave here, I will definitely live better, what kind of mood do I have to go back now? Because I said I would live a better life, my parents held back tears and forced me to the train to complete my dream, because I said I would live a better life, dear, he said goodbye to me at the station with tears streaming down his face. My life is very bad now. Should I go back to find them? Will they welcome a loser home? Walking in the streets of my hometown, looking at the past neighbors, looking at those simple smiling faces, I am a little confused. Why do others have so easily the happiness and happiness they want to pursue for so many years. I came across a childhood playmate holding a boy over two years old. I summoned up the courage to come forward and say hello. I learned that she had been married for four years, and why did they dare to get married if she had no room, car or deposit, why are they not like those people in big cities saying: there is no chance to pursue happiness without money. Is that right? Is it? I kept offering discounts to others along the way. Along the way, the more I walked, the harder my head was. It seemed that I was more afraid of meeting more acquaintances, knight is afraid of meeting a person who wants to see and dare not see. Does that person live well? I am afraid that Yogueta will lead my wife and children to appear in front of me. How can I face it? How can I introduce myself and say that I used to live a better life in big cities, abandoned the first love that I had vowed to be together forever. The more I thought about it, the more sad I felt. I simply bowed my head and walked home quickly. I didn’t think what would happen when I came home. Back home, I still have to live, work, face everything I don’t want to face, pursue those dream things, and return to the cruel reality. I began to think and reflect. Can’t I achieve something if I stay in my hometown? Can’t I be happy if I stay in my hometown with him who is honest and honest? What did I get from my trauma after all these years of climbing and beating outside? The happiness I want is so simple. Why have I paid so much and it is so difficult to have it? Is it because I miss too much? I don’t know. I don’t know whether it is useful to regret now. I began to believe the words that the teacher said when I was in school: sometimes what you are looking for is actually by your side, it’s just that you didn’t find it, and you didn’t know it was what you always wanted until it was taken away by others, but it no longer belongs to you. Lying on my little bed, smelling sunny scent on the quilt, my mood was very steady. I was asking God, if I were given another chance, I would not choose to leave, I would wait in place again, I would not be confused, I will face it soberly. If I can go back to the past, if I turn back, will you wait for me again?

Zan (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) Phoenix Mountain Spring Tour

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